Four things, school, Facebook, Relationships and choices.
After reading this, most of you probably stopped reading. It’s over, no medicine mentioned so there’s no cure, no help. Let me tell you. It’s not going to be easy. Don’t you think that for a second. There’s no easy solution for hard problems. It doesn’t work like that. This is also not for people that use anxiety as means of attention, as I know people that do. People love attention.
They lied to you, they didn’t teach you. Why educate if you can produce medicine and make profit?
Problems created by us:
- constantly advertisement of more and more products making us want more than we need. “I don’t have this product so I won’t be good enough.”
- Tuition fees increasing for the so called education everyone has a right to.
- Advertisement of products that aren’t beneficial for you. I mean McDonald’s sponsoring the Olympics… Seriously?
- The fear of not getting enough likes and being judged on a picture. “Will they laugh at me again?”
- Constant reminder in schools that you must pass exams. Fear of not getting accepted.
- Getting in trouble from being too tired to do your homework.
- That debate over should you do that workout or mediate to feel better or to study for that exam.
The freedom our ancestors fought for is something we cannot cope with.
It’s the best time to be alive.You can study there and there.You can wear this and this but at the same time you wearing this could have consequences of getting hated, because you being classy could be looked upon as weird. You are not a slave, have freedom to be almost anywhere, you have a right to education, too many choices make life uncomfortable because it means that we have to debate over which choice is better, over what will happen if we make the wrong choice. The fact you can visit almost any place and have so much career choices stresses you out.
Gretchen Rubin, in a great book, “Better Than Before” refers to decision making: “Habits eliminate the need for self-control,” followed by: “A habit requires no decision from me, because I’ve already decided.” So the question is how do you link in habits with choices?
What if you decided to develop a habit to pick the best and scrape the rest? Limit the amount of choices you have to make. Mark Zuckerberg does that. He wears the same shirts everyday. It prevents him from decision making. Too much decisions makes you tired, fatigued, stressed. This all contributes to anxiety. “Read: “How Making Decisions Tires Your Brain”
You need to make a decision not to make decisions. How could you do that? Plan out decisions way before. I mean instead of constantly worrying about a college you will choose, or what clothing you should buy, instead simply get a calendar or such and mark it in.
Devote that time only to college picking and forget about it for another week. This way you are saving a lot of stress, a lot of thinking. It get’s more work done. Worrying doesn’t help at all. Imagining walking around with an umbrella all day in fear of rain. Pointless.
Devote time to thinking and planning, on how you can solve the problem rather than simply worry about it, thinking without a strategy won’t tackle the problem. Are you in debt? Devote time to find an extra job instead of worrying about getting an extra job. Most people spend most time worrying but never doing. So don’t worry, and actually execute in the given moment. Think about it. If you spend all of your day thinking about all the other projects you have to do during a time you are doing another project, then ultimately you are getting nothing done at all and simply poisoning your mind.
Problems are simply part of our lives. It’s execution and trying to solve them that creates happiness, problems never stop. Happiness is caused by solving, it’s not a formula. It’s a process.
Brendon Burchard said this before: “You’re connected to everyone & everything online but you don’t feel nearly as connected to the world or to others as you would like.”
I appreciate Facebook, it created opportunities, jobs, it helped a lot of people, group chats are awesome. Catching up with people is awesome. But everything has negatives. Facebook is a form of media. News are a source of information, a source of corrupting information.
The thing about Facebook is that Facebook is this big source of Information, the chances are you follow more than one news page on Facebook followed by hundreds of friends, It’s also always connected. I mean swipe of a finger and it’s there. Constant. Turn on your phone and you see a notification. And that’s the difference between news and social media. Social media is there always. News are there once every few hours or such in general. But on your phone you can scroll and scroll and scroll until you cannot handle anything.
So limit Facebook time, seriously. I would say quit it, but I know not everyone is able to do so. Same with news. If you are really struggling though, most defiantly try it. No matter how hard. Not going to be easy but sometimes you need to do what’s right, regardless of whether you like it or not.
By letting go of these, you are letting go of a bad environment. And it’s essentially bad environments that lead to anxiety. They are the real drugs. We become fearful and worried because of the media. We know more, so we have more things to fear. Illness A, illness B, this place, that place, doing this… We became so fearful. Maybe knowing too much has caused so many problems, wars in A, B, C, D, E, F, G. Shootings in A, B, C, D, E. Animal killings in A, B.
Killer clowns, diseases, seriously.
But Facebook connects us to people, real life also connects us to people. We are friends with many “friends” on Facebook but most of them we don’t even like. It’s same in real life.
Sort out your relationships,
We have so many negative people in our lives and while we can’t really do anything about rain, we do have the choice to choose the people in our lives. These fake friends, get rid of them, people constantly dramatizing every situation and embarrassing you until they need something. Get rid of them.
Do it. It’s necessary, the problem could be as simple as your surrounding, and solving the problem could be very easy as well as super hard, depending on what choice you make. Somebody doesn’t want to stop being as close to you? Tell them how you feel. Tell them.
While your mind is your biggest ally, it can also be your biggest enemy. We often imagine things wrong, we over dramatize what will happen, matter of fact we even invent false memories that seem worse than they actually were.
And letting go of these toxic people can really really help. If you have someone that you can be open to, that will keep your secret, that will increase your happiness, that will help with your fears.
Making such lists can really help, devote your time to making some. One of the essentials of fighting with anxiety is knowing yourself. There’s not a formula that works for everyone. Facebook generally is the one that creates most stress and worry, but not for all. Some people get only benefits from it. It’s about finding what works for you, and the best way to do so is to study yourself. Take down notes. Do little lists. If you can track what makes you feel anxiety, what time it happens at, and then if you can brainstorm what you did prior to this event, what could had caused it, and then by knowing that, choosing to do something about that problem whether it is getting rid of it by telling someones or simply solving it by taking action. Find what can help with it. (Google helps a lot, you probably think that you problem is unique, I’m telling you it’s not. Millions of people went through problems you are going through. The solution is somewhere out there.)
Here’s the thing, there is no right or wrong, just whatever works. So examining yourself is the best way to deal with anxiety. Perhaps a certain moment makes you stressful, perhaps try to avoid the problem by solving it in advance.
Got a test comping up? Study in advance. Surely you know that test will eventually come up, study in smaller pieces and by doing so you will be better prepared and won’t be going though panic attacks the night before.
But sometimes you also have to get away. Take time to get away. Doesn’t mean travel two thousand miles. Nope. Take time to get away. It’s not about how far you go, it’s how far you can get away from the norm. And that’s the reality. Most people live standard lives that they repeat everyday. That’s okay. Not everybody will live a Casey Neistat life. So get away. Get away from the people, from your routine, from your bed, experience something new. It will make you forget about the problems and see that the world has way much to offer and that there is all kinds of other great people out there, some perhaps going through the same problems.
School can play a major role in anxiety too. (Unless you live in Finland.)
I consider myself lucky. My parents never forced me to study, they never told me who to be. That may be the best thing they ever did for my development. They never banned me from going somewhere. That has helped me throughout the years. I see parents locking in students to study. Punishment doesn’t work. It doesn’t, Daniel H. Pink talks all about our mind in his book Drive. One of the experiments demonstrated shows what punishment does: “The punishment didn’t promote good behavior, it crowded it out.” Sure, the experiment was old but I don’t need studies to show punishment still exists, I and my fellow student friends are and were an example of it.
The problem with school is that it’s not up to date, and when things are not up to date you start to wonder whether what you are learning will help you in the future or whether you should be learning something else. Same classrooms as over a hundred years ago. A same punishment system which is less cruel but still punishes. But perhaps it’s the fact the syllabus is out of date. School creates fear over what will happen to your life in the months or years to come. School doesn’t teach you how to deal with that.
In school you are set to work uncollaboratively, resulting in you never being prepared to work or even communicate in a collaborative community when you leave school, fear of talking, fear of speaking out. I mean you have to ask to attend the bathroom, but yet when you do something “wrong” you are treated like an adult. Treated like adults only when it suits. As a result you struggle when you are out of the system, I would say school does not prepare you for life at all, matter of fact it makes it worse.
And the only place you can be creative is when there’s a Green schools poster competition about how you can help the climate, kind of ironic because the best poster there is, is no poster at all. It’s called saving the trees.
So then you are stuck debating over what to do, to prepare for the future, to read books that can help you now, or read books and try to learn off phrases that will make your school life easier and help you get into college, put you into student debt, and perhaps after few years pay that debt off, until you realize that when that happens, most of the work force will be looking for jobs that don’t require a degree, but simply skill. It’s really hard to choose.
But there is a solution, firstly perhaps you will be in luck and get awesome teachers that will inspire you. I actually had a more positive than negative experience in terms of that. But my solution is, audio-books, podcasts, anything that teaches you. Listen on your way to school, that way you can really benefit and prepare because worrying about it won’t help you. It’s happening. You need to accept that things will be different after school and choose to prepare.
These four things really contribute, there’s a fifth thing.
Put yourself in a right mindset too. I have anxiety, okay, cool. Accept it. That’s the problem with medicine. Most people don’t accept anxiety and try to find some easy solutions. You need to face it. Running away never works. If you are sick trying to pretend like you are not sick won’t help. Anxiety is essentially your body being in the fight or flight system.
It’s your decision on whether you accept it and try to make the most out of your days or whether you live in grief. You need to stop blaming others. Accept your situation. You always have a choice on how you choose to feel. You are in control if you want to be. There’s children that are literally living on crumbles right now, most of them will remain like that, but some, but some will choose to take action”never again will I go through this,” they will take action and fight back and win. Most of the successful individuals weren’t born rich. They were born poor.
And I’ll give an example about choices. Few years back an Irish teenager called Donal Walsh was diagnosed. He could had complained but instead he embraced his problem. He didn’t have a choice over getting something as awful, he did have a choice to live, perhaps not as long but he did have time to make his life meaningful. This young man chose to execute, he chose to solve problems, he chose to save lives. Perhaps even though he was dying he lived a happier life than most of us ever will, as he seen a problem.. So many young teens committing suicide and he chose to use his example to save thousands of lives. He didn’t get to live but he chose to share a message that people do have a choice to live. And that message touched the entire Irish population. He chose to accept what he can’t change and to care about something that he can change. And that made him a hero.
You have a choice. How you react. I have anxiety, okay, try out these methods, see what works, experiment. Research online. See what works, write it down. There’s so many methods, but the most precise method is the one that you come up with after experimenting, and then share your progress. Sharing the problem and trying to solve it will create that feeling of happiness as like I said before, executing as in the process creates the happiness. Buying that item you always wanted to buy creates more happiness than actually having that item.
Ultimately it’s whatever works for you but try to limit exposure to news and most media. Try to limit your choices. And hopefully that will help your problem. And most importantly accept that you are in this situation and act upon it.
If this helped you or can help someone you know then by all means share it! If you would like to feature this post on your site contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org, check out my Instagram page @successisforall and also feel free to subscribe to my newsletter down below. Adios.